The Waiting Game

January 11, 2012 § Leave a comment

We had a really long strategic planning meeting today at work which has assured me that I have a job in the future (yay!). There’s a lot to do and a lot in development, so that’s all very promising. What’s perhaps most exciting is that it’s almost all stuff I haven’t done before, so I’ll really get to branch out, learn new skills, take on new responsibilities. I love change, new challenges.

I’ve resolved myself to going back to work full-time since I probably won’t get the fellowship. I emailed them to ask if they can at the very least notify the applicants if they’re semi-finalists or not (which will be decided at the end of this month), but I haven’t heard back from the fellowship/assistantships office yet. I’m meeting with my advisor on Friday to discuss any possible opportunities from the department, but I’m pretty sure we’re going to have to act from here on out like I’m definitely going down to part-time at school and full-time at work. I’m SO excited about being more financially stable, though. If I got sick right now and had to go to the doctor, I’d be in real trouble. I don’t like having that kind of stress. It’ll be better when I’m back at full salary.

I guess my main hesitation is that I’m worried my advisor will be upset with me. My advisor last semester was not particularly helpful and hardly sympathetic to my needing to keep my job while I am in school. And she told me what classes I should take which really irked me. But that’s besides the point. The point is that I’m worried my new advisor will be upset/annoyed/disappointed when I tell him I need to go down to part-time. I’m still graduating on time though! That’s got to count for something! I’m worried he’s going to say it’ll hurt my chances of getting into a PhD program, too, which would be a big downside. I need to put together a list of topics I want to discuss with him before I meeting since things will be awfully busy once school starts.

I tried to get a jump start on the semester by getting my presidential duties started. I’m co-president of the student gallery at school, so I sent out an email to the other co-president and the secretary so we can all meet up before our first official gallery meeting of the year (feb. 1st) but of course no one has responded to my email. Not to be whiny, but I’m not interested in being the co-president with someone who doesn’t do shit. Erghs. Whatever. I’ve also tried to do some preliminary reading to prep myself for my classes this semester, but it hasn’t gone very well. I’m just not super-motivated and I’m kind of trying to hold onto my last few days of “vacation” (just work!).

I start my internship tomorrow. I feel so stupid for being nervous! I go into new situations all the time not knowing what to expect. I’ve had multiple internships before this one. I know it’s not going to be anything particularly unexpected or challenging, but I find myself fretting over what to wear my first day. Silly girl, I know. Then on Friday I will be interning at my first gallery opening for this gallery. What to wear for that… who knows. Professional, but attractive, but not too fancy or girly. Bah. Doesn’t help that I haven’t done laundry in months. :/ Bah. I’m just being ridiculous. I’m probably just displacing my anxiety about other things onto this internship. Ah, displacement. How like me.

Things are about to get really busy, exhausting, stressful. Calm before the storm and all that. I wish I could prepare myself better, but there’s really only so much one can do! I’m looking forward to May, let me tell you. Unquestionably, I’ll be working full-time. It’ll be better.

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