Create-A-Day: Blue Nile
March 4, 2012 § 2 Comments
The blue necklace in all its fabulousness. I love it so much, which is surprising because it’s very rare that I wear big jewelry. It’s pretty weighty, but I kind of like that about it too, like wearing jewelry is a *physical* experience. Sorry the pictures aren’t great today. No make-up, really bad [but clean!] hair, etc. I’ve had a really bad headache from the time I woke up (exacerbated by a blinding fury at a situation with Alec that has yet to be resolved). I even took a nap! Didn’t help. Some days are just a total waste, I guess.
I tried to smile in this photo, because someone pointed out how unhappy I look in most of my self-portraits, but it turned out more like a cringe. I’ll work on it.
Not excited about going to work or class tomorrow. Still trying to get through the readings for class, but I’m just not interested and the headache is messing with my ability to read. Words keep swimming, so it’s really slow going trying to keep the sentences in line.
I’m pretty sure this necklace would look better on someone…. someone who’s not a little white girl. I’ve always wished I was ethnic or exotic aesthetically. Being white is so boring. Sometimes I look around the classroom (because pretty much everyone in my program is white) and wonder how the hell we developed such pale, pink skin. It’s totally bizarre to me. Brown seems like a much more natural skin color. Brown eyes, too, seem more natural. It’s pretty rare in the animal world to have blue eyes (of course my dog is an exception!), so it blows my mind sometimes thinking about humans developing pale skin and blue eyes. It’s also interesting to me that skin color is really something we can’t change. Change your bust size, change your hair color, change your eye color, but really the only thing you can do is get a tan, which isn’t the dramatic change most people might want (Michael Jackson is an exception, but I wouldn’t call his transformation a success). I used to dye my hair any and all colors to try and look a little less…… Aryan. I’m not sure it worked, but I guess it made me feel better. I hope this doesn’t sound racist or something. I don’t mean it that way! I just get tired of being so boring-looking sometimes. I’m sure there are other people who wished they were boring-looking. We are what we are, I suppose.
I’ve really got to get my confidence issues under control. I’ll be trying to date again soon, which is terrifying because I can’t remember how to date. I can’t even remember how to act available, much less how to talk to guys who are interested in me without being biting, sarcastic, and bitter. Oh boy! I feel like I have too much baggage for anyone to be interested anyway. No one’s hit on me in a couple of years, though, so I guess that means I’ve lost some of my charm (along with my youth). I’ve got wrinkles on my forehead now and I never go out without bags under my eyes! Must try harder, I suppose, but I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.
Seriously, girl, get a grip. Self-pity isn’t any more attractive than low self-esteem. Maybe I should buy this necklace in another color… it makes me feel prettier. UGH.