Beginning the End

June 25, 2012 § Leave a comment

Things are tough right now. The apartment is packed. We’re getting up bright and early to move alec out tomorrow. We had dinner tonight in Chinatown and walked down to the mall afterwards. We walked an extra block tonight when we took the dog out because, in alec’s words, “this is our last walk all of us together.” we’ve been pretty light with each other today, lots of laughing and friendly banter, but it’s disguising the knowledge we both have that this week is totally going to suck. This is our last night together and that’s a hard reality to face, to accept, to let ourselves feel. I keep gritting my teeth and going to the bathroom to slap my face to keep from crying. Crying can and, undoubtedly and unfortunately, will come later. Right now I need to keep my shit together. We’ve got a lot to do in the next 48 hours and crying isn’t going to help anything. I know once things are over and done with, the grief will come in waves as grief always does. I’ll be around my family so I think they will understand. I told alec he can still email me if he wants, that I’m not cutting him out of my life completely. He’s my best friend. He has been for years. There’s no reason to totally sever our connection, though I expect we will naturally drift apart over time. We began the end of our life together today. It will all be over by Wednesday night. That’s a weird thing to come to terms with. I know these coming weeks will be very difficult for both of us, but I know I’m doing the right thing. I just wish it wasn’t so hard. Doesn’t everyone.

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