July 27, 2012 § Leave a comment
So I’ve made the break and made the move and made some changes. alec left and we both cried, then I spent that night crying, then I got up the next morning and started the drive to Alabama and cried some more. but that was it. I think I’ve cried maybe twice since arriving in Alabama, and I’m just fine with that. I’ve got other things to think about, to plan for. I can admit that I’ve been avoiding really thinking about the end of our five-year relationship, but I guess I feel like I’ve got a lifetime to look back on it, to try and understand what went wrong and what my place was in all of it. I’ve got more productive things to think about, so moping isn’t on my list of to-do’s.
my plan has changed a number of times since I moved back. originally, the plan was for me to move into the cottage and get started studying for the GRE and language exams. that plan had to change because the cottage wasn’t finished when I moved home and still isn’t finished, so I’m living in my parents’ house, where I am unable to study. I’m high maintenance in that I need “my” stuff around me in order to concentrate, and if I don’t have “my” stuff then I need a clutter-free space where I can settle down and spread out. my parents’ house is not clutter free. plus I have a very hard time settling down when there is so much to be done still.
I’ve decided to transfer to UAB (University of Alabama at Birmingham) to finish my Master’s degree. even though I missed the fall application deadline, the graduate advisor liked my resume so much that she said I should go ahead and register for fall classes as a non-degree student and then as soon as my application for the Master’s program is submitted she can expedite it within the department. my application is almost complete, too. just need to write my personal statement…
anyway, the plan is that whatever courses I take now as a non-degree student will transfer, along with my GW courses, to the Master’s degree at UAB, so I’ll still be able to enroll in a PhD program next fall, assuming I get in anywhere. I’ll take my language exam this fall and my comprehensive exams in the spring, then I’ll write my thesis over the summer and defend it next August. so I’ve got my work cut out for me, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’m excited about getting to write a thesis, but I haven’t done any research to narrow down a topic yet. that can wait until after the semester starts.
the cottage, ideally, will be ready for move-in by the time school starts in mid-August, when mom and dad will be leaving for a week for North Carolina. then I’m going to New Orleans at the end of August. basically it just needs the floors finished (mom said we’re keeping them as plywood, so I’ll be buying a rug with my first paycheck…), the outlets need to be put in (finished electrical stuff yesterday), light fixtures, windows and doors installed, and steps built for the porch. and dry wall, but I can finish that stuff while they’re gone if need be. I’d really like to just get this shit done and get moved in as soon as possible, though, because I just hate how I’m living right now and I know mom and dad want their house back.
I also got a job! starting on Monday. it’s a part-time position in the Education department at the Birmingham Museum of Art. so that’s great. that’s much more exciting than getting some terrible receptionist job or something, plus I can put it on my resume! and helping out the museum really is important to me, so I’m glad they’re giving me a chance to get involved.
so the new plan is: finish Master’s degree at UAB, work at the BMA, live in the cottage, apply to PhD.
I’m also seeing someone. I know when alec finds out it might totally destroy the friendship that remains between us, but I can’t live my life worrying about his happiness anymore. that ended when we broke up and frankly, I don’t owe him anything. he let our relationship die, he refused to try and fix things, he walked out that door. I gave him everything I had and when I called it quits, I meant it. the new guy is exciting. he’s very hard to predict which I both love and hate. we don’t have much in common, but I’m not too concerned about that. I’m not going to marry the guy, I’m just having fun and enjoying life. that’s what being young is all about. he says I need to learn to take a compliment, which I know is true, and I like being around him because I can be mean to him without feeling like a bitch. I’m just a naturally snarky person, I can’t help it! and I would always feel wretched for being mean to alec, though I couldn’t help myself.
so things are good, I think. they’re looking up. I’ve got a definite plan that satisfies my resume, financial, and academic needs. I’m getting my brother’s old truck (currently still in the shop) so I’ll have my own means of transportation. I’m not bailing on the mountain life just yet, so my mother is happy. I’m dating a guy who keeps me entertained. I’ve got a lot of great friends in birmingham to hang out with (though I’ve been drinking too much, I admit…). things are good. life is good.
I’ve got strep throat right now, which is why I have time in my life to stop and write a blog entry, haha. sometimes my body makes me slow down. I hate it, but I still obey… eventually.