December 2, 2012 § Leave a comment
Whoa, now. Two posts in one day, Alexa? Really?
I may or may not still be procrastinating. Either way, I decided to make a positivity post. Why? Because Alexa needs to start being more positive. If I’m going to make it through the next few months, waiting for PhD results on top of job and money issues… I’m really going to need to focus on what’s good in case things go south.
Despite the destruction of 2012, I’ve come out okay.
I’ve still got my girls who are generally happy and healthy. Fatty is curled up in my lap right now, making my legs go numb but I don’t mind. They’re still here, still in my life. That’s a great thing.
I’ve got a lot of great art in my apartment, including two new photograph prints which I’m in love with (thanks, Pete!). It’s not really art, but I did find a letter from a big Arby’s sign. It’s really cool looking because it’s on a 10×5″ piece of plastic that’s totally transparent, but the letter itself is a mix of solid black and tiny black dots, so it plays a lot with translucency/opacity. It’s the letter “K,” too, which I find amusing and appropriate. What better letter to have in your home! K.
While I don’t like living in Alabama conceptually, I have enjoyed living here. Moving to southside was by far my best idea this year and even though I’m barely making rent each month, I feel good about paying for the roof over my head. I’ve also enjoyed living so close to everything. I don’t miss the 30 min train rides in DC (though I did get a lot of reading done!) but parking and traffic here can really drive me crazy. All in all, though, it’s nice being a ten minute drive from anywhere I could want to go, from the grocery store to the museum to a park to go hike. It’s all very convenient, and that’s something I really appreciate.
I’m in grad school. As much as I bitch and moan about UAB, I am happier in school than out of it. My little brain is keeping up its creative process and analytical exercises, which is good. I’m looking at art and thinking about art in a structured environment, though UAB isn’t the healthiest environment for me. At least my brain is getting some exercise.
I’ve got a job at an art museum. It’s not salaried or long-term, but that’s a big deal for my resume. It’ll really help when I need to get a job after I earn my Master’s degree.
I’m healthy. Yeah, I get bad headaches and have sleeping problems and an occasional heart beat irregularity that makes my lungs constrict so I can’t breathe. But compared to how often I was sick when I first moved home, I feel pretty good. I haven’t been to the doctor in months, so I’m pretty thankful that my “mystery non-mono recurring illness” is gone. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Especially not with my lifestyle.
I’m still here. For years I thought I wouldn’t be able to live without alec, but I’m really doing pretty well. I’m fine on my own, I know that for a fact now instead of wondering if I could make it. It’s not that I don’t miss him, I certainly do at times, but generally, when I’m going about my day, I feel just fine on my own. And I feel better about the freedom I have now that I don’t have to worry about my decisions affecting both of us. I can do what I want, when I want, and that is a beautiful thing.
I’m super thankful for my parents being so close by. I see them about once a week, and it’s great. I really value the time I have with them, not only because they’re getting older but because I don’t know how long I’ll be local. I’m not one to stay in one place for long, and I can’t see myself staying in Birmingham for years in the plural. They’re such great people. They know I’m having a tough time right now, I’ve been having a tough time all year. They see that and they’ve been here for me, always ready to step in and help, even if I refuse to accept it. I’m learning to accept help, though it’s still very challenging. I’m learning a lot of things.