March 12, 2013 § Leave a comment
Warning signs of a breakdown: crying uncontrollably on the bathroom floor. check.
The cracks are definitely beginning to show around the edges. There’s a good chance I took on way too much this semester, on top of my health problems (heart palpitations, abnormal test results requiring a biopsy of my lady parts, recurring tonsillitis; all are minor, but all are adding extra stress on top of stress) and my grief for the life that I gave up, the man that I gave up, the city that I gave up, the death of my Great Gran. The last few years have been incredibly taxing and I don’t think I’ve ever really let myself emotionally deal with all the major events I’ve gone through.
I’ll die before I give up anything else, but I do worry about the strain I’m putting myself under and the toll my mental and physical health are taking. I keep telling myself to put on my big girl pants and man up, stop crying, take control. Other people have accomplished far more, gone through much worse, and done it all with grace and little whining. I’m just trying not to throw up most days. I just have to keep it together for a little while longer. Having a mental breakdown would really fuck things up.