The Ideal

March 15, 2013 § 5 Comments

My ideal right now, since I’m likely not getting into PhD, is to get a salaried job at the beach. I’ve already applied to multiple jobs at the beach, so I’m at least taking the right steps to realize this dream. 

I’ve been thinking a lot today about leaving, or about how to leave, if I’m being specific. I’ve been here for such a short amount of time really. I’m hoping I’ll get offered a job soon so I can leave in May. I think it would be easier if I just stopped showing up to work, instead of telling everywhere in advanced notice when I would be leaving so they can adjust and plan for it. (obviously I would tell my boss, give her two weeks notice) I’d rather just them wake up one day and me not be there. I think that would be easier on everyone. They’ll remember what it was like before me and they’ll return to it after some time. It’ll be like i was never there. That is my ideal. 

My parents will get used to me not being around so often. They’ll remember when they only saw me a few times a year. They’ll readjust, and find alternative ways to keeping up with me than having weekly lunches or stopping by just to say hi. They’ll readjust, after all, they knew this was coming. 

It’s not that I won’t miss them. People have a way of working themselves into my heart, even when I try not to let them. Of course I’ll miss them. I miss them now and I’m not even gone yet. But I think goodbyes can be really hard, and can make things harder instead of easier. Leaving is hard enough, why make it worse on everyone? 

So I’m thinking that’s how I’ll do it. I’ll just treat my last day like any other day. I won’t hug people or say particularly meaningful, heartfelt things. I won’t tell Mark I’m moving away. They’ll just look up one day and I won’t be there anymore. 

Yes, I think that is best. 

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§ 5 Responses to The Ideal

  • M. Alabama says:

    All about pulling the escape cord, ehh? Some of us have already looked up and you’re not there. Goodbyes are silly in a world as connected as ours. Cutting people off is another matter entirely. Why plan on sneaking away in the night, out of sight from those that love you?

    • alexalhayes says:

      I asked you not to read this anymore.

      • M. Alabama says:

        I honestly thought you recommended that I shouldn’t, as opposed to telling me directly not to read.

      • alexalhayes says:

        same difference. I don’t see how it would benefit you to read this.

      • M. Alabama says:

        Benefits can come in a variety of ways. And if having a love crushed with action, and then heart-wrenchingly ground to nothing with words, time and disconnect, is a way to remove you from my heart, so be it. Let’s get on with it; you already seem set on forever going it alone. If my love needs to die, I need it to die as soon as possible. Laying it in wait for another day is one thing. Having it slowly rot is another.

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