Can I Just Tell You?

October 2, 2013 § Leave a comment

Can I just tell you? Nothing makes me roll my eyes more slowly than when people start talking about how they want to move to X city. When they want to move to X city after spending a grand total of X days/weeks there. When they want to move to X city when they’ve never left the comfort of the suburbs they were born in. Yeah, I’m rolling my eyes. 

I especially love it when they tell me that they know the city well enough after living there X number of weeks to know how it would be to live there for years. 

Can I just tell you? You don’t fucking know. You don’t know what it’s like to really live in a place until you’ve lived there a calendar year. Until you’ve lived there during each of the seasons. Until you’ve lived there during major storms, major traffic, major tourist seasons, etc. I’ve lived in the country, the city, and the suburbs. I’ve lived in places with a very low cost of living and a very high cost of living. So everybody can shut the fuck up, at least until they move out of their hometown and actually LIVE someplace new. 

Just counting places where I’ve lived longer than a year, I’ve lived in:

Birmingham, AL;

Hayden, AL;

Atlanta, GA;

Conyers, GA;

New Haven, CT;

Knoxville, TN;

Concord, VA;

Washington, DC. 

But hey, if we’re pretending like “living in a place” and “knowing a place” counts for being there for a couple months then add the following to my list:

Chicago, IL;

Northampton, MA; 

Dallas, TX. 

I honestly might be missing a place somewhere in there. It’s hard to keep track. 

Can I just tell you? When I say “Oh yeah, I’d love to live _______” it means that I’m actually considering moving there. I get so fucking tired of hearing people say “Oh man, I’m totally going to move to X.” but then they stay in the exact same town they’ve lived in their entire life and will likely die in. They either say they absolutely hate where they live (and then continue to live there since they’ve never lived anywhere else) or they say they absolutely love where they live (even though they’ve never actually lived anywhere else). 

It drives me absolutely crazy. Don’t fucking say shit if you can’t back it up. I say I’m going to get my PhD and I mean that I will actually try MULTIPLE TIMES to get my goddamn PhD because unlike everyone I know right now, I ACTUALLY DO WHAT I SAY I’M GOING TO DO. Why is it so hard for people to stop talktalktalking and ACT. 

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Can I just tell you? It’s been a stressful day. I moved to Texas, where I never ever ever considered ever living ever, for this internship that was SO talked up as this amazing opportunity. What that meant to me was not that it would just look awesome on my resume, but that I would actually LEARN something. Not just something, but actually learn how a museum the size of this one operates, how the departments work together, how each job functions within the hierarchy, and so on. 

As a woman of action, when my expectations aren’t being met or if I’m unhappy with where I am/how I’m treated/etc. I fucking try to change it. So I’m trying to find a nice way to 1. insist that my boss actually come to our scheduled meetings and 2. how to politely tell him that I don’t feel like he’s teaching me and that my expectations when I took this internship was that I would not be somebody who just does someone’s bitch work but that my skills would actually be utilized and I would be taught the ins and outs of my dept. Everyone gives me sympathy because they know how he operates and everyone tells me not to take it personally, that it’s “just how he is.” I don’t accept that. If that’s “just how he is” then I don’t want to work for him. I signed up for this because I thought I was going to learn something. I have a graduate degree. I have a LOT of internships already under my belt. I want to learn, and if he wants an intern but doesn’t want to teach, then he shouldn’t get an intern — he should get a paid assistant who already knows how to do everything. 

So my predicament is 1. how to get a man who ignores my emails and meetings to meet with me and 2. how to phrase everything in a positive way that’s still going to drive home my points in a “We’re going to work this out.” kind of way. 

I don’t accept being stuck in a situation I don’t like. That’s not where I am in my life right now. I’m unhappy working for him, and goddammit, I’m going to try to improve things.

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Can I just tell you? After my stressful, unproductive, frustrating day, I came home, lifted a bowl off the kitchen counter and screamed like a little girl because a roach was under it.  Some days, man, some days. I did stop screaming and I chased the roach around the kitchen counter and sink for a while trying to kill it before successfully smooshing it down into the In-Sink-Erator. Generally, I have a no-kill policy, but roaches can fucking die. Plus I can’t leave any witnesses after my girlish shriek. 

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Can I just tell you? If I hear another person complain to me about Obamacare, I’m going to punch someone. I don’t want to get into yet another rant, but good god… the shutdown is bad enough without people complaining about Obamacare too. That’s all I’m going to say about it. 

It just hasn’t been a very good week. A lot of stress about work, money, work, money, the state of the union, work, money, work, health insurance, work, money. Like a genius, I decided to apply for food stamps and ladies health care assistance on the day the government shut down. I feel pretty wretched about applying for food stamps because I’m white, well-educated, and could mooch money off my parents if I didn’t have such a strong sense of independence and pride. It makes me feel like I’m taking something away from the people who really need it. It’ll help me out a bit though, if I’m approved for food stamps. And every little bit helps. 

Ugh. This week can suck it. I’m hopefully just a couple days away from booking my trip to UNC Chapel Hill. That’s the one I’m really excited about. I’ve been talking to the grad advisor as well as some current PhD students, and I think it’ll be a good place for me. I’m just waiting now to hear back from the prof I want to work with… I *sincerely* hope she’s nice to me. Because this week hasn’t been going very well and it would be nice to win one. 

This wasn’t a very deep or thoughtful entry, sorry. My last few have been pretty intense and tough to write, so I think I’m okay with having a fluff piece every once in a while. The goal of this blog is to make me feel better by writing things out, and I guess I don’t feel much better after this post, but I might feel better when I read it again later. The posts that are very heartfelt and intimate always make me feel better when I write them. Every little bit helps. 

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