Sexual Harassment

November 11, 2013 § 2 Comments

I am fucking sick and tired of being yelled at. All I want to do is enjoy the evening in peace, walk my dog outside so she can take a shit, and do it without having to wear a goddamn burqa. Why is that something I have to ask for? Why is that something that is constantly denied me because some douchebags think it’s funny to harass me?

I tend to have three separate types of reactions when this happens.

1. I’ll ignore it because I simply don’t give a fuck what some lowlifes have to do to make life entertaining.

2. I’ll grind my teeth about it but keep my mouth shut because I don’t want them to track me down and do something worse than catcall me from their car window.

3. I yell back at them, usually something along the lines of “Go fuck yourself.” But in my Big Girl voice that tends to echo around the suburbs of my neighborhood.

I found myself seeing red following their laughter when I yelled back at them. I wanted a gun, and I wanted to stand over them, and put it right to their temples and make them fucking apologize. I want them to see me as someone bigger and stronger and more powerful than them. I wanted them to see me as a threat, to no longer feel safe in this world. Because that’s how I feel.

Gun to the head too extreme? Fine. I’d like to shoot out a tire or two as they drive past. You know the type of guy — they’re always the type who loves their big pickup trucks and polished coupes more than anything. Yeah, let’s put a fucking dent in that, watch you cry over your piece of shit car. Maybe you should value something a little more worthwhile.

Okay, I don’t know any cops, but I’d say shooting out someone’s tire might be some kind of assault charge. Illegal Mexican versus little college-educated white girl… wonder who would win that case. But that’s just a continuation of racial inequality that I can’t support even if it’s in my favor and the douchebag deserves to sit in jail for whatever reason I can get him there.

So what about throwing a balloon filled with paint? I’ve got enough of an arm and solid hand-eye coordination. I’d love to fuck up that truck, even temporarily. See them get all pissed off and confused. Oh right, they know where I live.


These are all gut reactions out of anger, out of hate. These responses won’t solve a damn thing. Will they make me feel better? Sure. But only temporarily. Only in a “yeah, I fucked there shit up” kind of way which is fleeting and superficial. That’s not going to fix anything on their end. That’s not going to make anything better for anyone in the long run.

So why isn’t there an anti-sexual harassment program going through these lower-income neighborhoods? The people who most harass me: lower-class black men, lower-class hispanic men, and college-educated white guys. Where are the sex education programs that advocate for women, that teach men that we are people too and should be respected as such? I’ve heard about sex ed programs on college campuses, but I went to college. Hell, I went to two different grad schools and NOWHERE did I see any kind of proper anti-rape, anti-sexual harassment sex education.

That shit should mandatory. Not just for college kids and grad students, but everyone who has ever gotten a job should be made to listen to a sex education program.

Why is this not already the case? Why is this not a fucking law? Why are these programs not well-funded and prevalent throughout this country, the “Land of the Free”? Doesn’t feel like a free place to me. Feels like a goddamn prison because everywhere I turn women are slapped down, women are brutalized, women are threatened or disregarded.

Why is catcalling not an “issue” in the States? Because women are over-reacting. Women don’t have a sense of humor. Women can’t take it as a compliment.

I am so fucking sick and tired of being harassed. At least in the workplace there are protocols. What is the protocol for harassment on the street? And when is it going to be legal for me to threaten someone with a gun because they dared to yell obscene things at me, because they dared to make me feel unsafe in my own neighborhood as I quietly and unobtrusively walk my dog for their own pleasure and entertainment?

Oh right.


How can I continue to advocate for the groups that most harass me? How can I continue to push for racial equality and better, more fair immigration laws, when those are the minority groups who most harass me? How do I deal with that? I was robbed in DC because I didn’t want to report a young black man for “suspicious activity” for fear that I myself was being racist. How does one wrap their head around that? I am bolstering the people who won’t think twice about hurting me. That’s fucked up.

There is no justice. No fairness. No equality. Without proper, prevalent, persistent, and MANDATORY sex education at multiple age levels and professional stages, we are NEVER going to see a world any better than the one we live in where women are constantly and consistently victimized.

Where do we start? Who will listen? How can we accomplish this?


§ 2 Responses to Sexual Harassment

  • Em says:

    I live in SF and am harassed *every* *single* day on the way to work. I finally translated in spanish to one guy that ‘his sole purpose in life is to harass women.’ He has since left me alone!

    No other conversation has produced any results.

    Did you ever paint ball someone? I’d like to know the reaction since I’m about to buy a paint ball gun for this express purpose.


    • alexalhayes says:

      Unfortunately, I think it’s still considered some kind of assault to shoot someone with a non-lethal gun (paint ball, etc.). SIGH. There’s just no real protection in this country from sexual harassment in public! Best of luck to you, Em. Stay safe out there, girl.

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